Spoiler Alert

I have no patience and I don’t like to be surprised. I have this insatiable need to know it all now. If there is a movie I want to see, and I know I may not get to go for a while, I read a movie spoiler. Sure, eventually I’ll see the movie too, but I need to be able to converse about it while it is still “hot.”

It is the same with books. I am one of maybe 5 people in the universe who has not read the Harry Potter series but I still HAD to know what was going on. So, while other voracious fans slept outside to be able to purchase a book at 12:01 AM, I went to bed. I logged on to some book spoiler sites first thing in the morning and discovered all the pertinent plot details that readers posted after spending all night finishing the book.

Which is all the more astounding that I actually waited 9 whole months to discover I was having a baby boy. With an ultrasound, I could have found out sooner but, you see, my husband is the anti-spoiler. Dear husband wanted to be surprised. He felt that there are such few things in life to be surprised about, why ruin this one? He told me I could find out if I wanted to, but I couldn’t share the information with him or anyone else. Was he kidding? What good was my discovering the information if I couldn’t share it? So, it wasn’t until the delivery room that I discovered that testosterone was going to outnumber estrogen in our home.

This weekend, I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (and, yes, I read the spoiler before going). In the movie is a character named Irina Spalko. SPOILER AHEAD -- DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW A PLOT DETAIL!!!!!
Irina, has an insatiable appetite for knowledge. She wants to be able to see and know everything. She feels that this knowledge will allow her to control everything. However, when she is given this knowledge, she can’t take it. The information is too much and she literally explodes. There’s probably a lesson there, but is too much knowledge really such a bad thing?

I feel like I am going to explode when I want to know something but for some reason I can’t. Whether it was searching for months for spoilers on the Sex and the City Movie and not finding them or not knowing if a friend is pregnant or not, I need to know. I hate feeling so out of control! I want to know how things are going to turn out before they happen. If I quit my job and stay at home, will that be a huge mistake? If I continue working and leave Josh in a babysitter’s hands, will I look back and regret that decision? How many children will I have? Will I win the lottery one day? Will I get breast cancer like my mom or diabetes like my dad? Will I EVER get back to my pre-pregnancy weight? Where can I find the spoilers for these questions?

I have told dear husband that next time I find out I am pregnant, I fully intend to find out what the sex of the baby is with the ultrasound no matter what he says, since the last time not knowing drove me so crazy. He shook his head, at the loon that is his wife, sighed, and said “Why don’t you just wait until you are pregnant again and see how you feel then?” This need of mine to know the answers without having to wait, without having to live through the experiences is overwhelming. Am I so obsessed with finding spoilers in my life that I am actually spoiling the enjoyment of the ride?

All by myself, don't wanna be all by myself.

I miss my friends.

I miss those college days when your best friends were just a couple doors away. As I got older, and friends got married and moved away, I was still fortunate to have a large enough circle that, there was always at least one good friend that was close enough to grab a slice of pizza with and chat about our day. Stick a fork in it, those days are done.

It’s official now, all my close friends are gone. This past weekend my last, close, local, friend moved away with her husband to the suburbs. I am now all alone.

As a mom, most of the time you barely have enough room in your schedule for your husband, but knowing you have the ability to meet a friend, even in you are never able to take advantage of it, is a comfort. Talking with friends on the phone, is how you have most of your contact with them, so the move doesn’t really make that much of a difference, but, yet it does. In your mind, with them close by, you still feel like that carefree, single college kid who hung out with her friends whenever she felt like it. However, when they leave, you slowly begin to realize, that you are not that single girl in the dorms anymore and that is probably why your mom isn’t totally freaking out that you’re living and {gasp} sleeping with a man.

It’s hitting me hard this week because of the Sex and the City movie coming out – the ultimate chick flick. I used to watch the television show with close friends when we were single and we had an amazing time. None of those good friends live near me anymore. Who am I going to go to the movie with now? Dear husband is hoping and praying that I meet and click with someone new before Saturday night, so he doesn’t have to become my new girlfriend for this movie viewing.

Why can’t my life be a little more like sex and the city? Those girls were so different from each other, in different stages in their lives and yet they always managed to find time to hang out together. Granted, you rarely saw them actually working, cleaning their homes or any other number of mundane daily chores but they made their friendship a top priority. They went clubbing together, out to breakfast or to some art museum and still had time to get married, have a baby and battle breast cancer. Those women achieved a balance in their lives. Bet you that someone, Carrie, Miranda, Samantha or all three would go out with Charlotte to the movies, she wouldn’t have to drag poor Harry, like I have to drag dear husband. The fantasy of TV land is so appealing.

Charlotte uttered a line to the other three girls in an episode of sex and they city that so resonated with me when I was single and dating, that still holds true: "Don't laugh at me, but maybe we can be each other's soul-mates? And then, we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with."

I love my husband, he is my best friend, but my girls, my close knit group of friends, are my soul-mates. Only another girl can understand menstrual cramps and labor pains. Only another girl understands how depressing it is to gain five pounds and how much more depressing it is to try to lose 10 pounds when eating about that 5 pound weight gain caused it to double. There are no real replacements for Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha in each other’s lives. They can meet other people who they can hang out with but they will never be their soul mates. My close friends, and you know who you are, there is no replacing you.

Don’t laugh at me guys but, when I do finally see the movie with dear husband, I’ll be seeing it with him, but I’ll be pretending I am seeing it with you.