Butting Heads

My son keeps using a wood toy we bought him to help him stand up. Inevitably, he loses his balance and hits his head against this toy and then starts crying. The solution to prevent this from happening was easy. I put the toy away until he is a little older and a little steadier on his feet. I wish the answer to life’s other problems, were that easy too.

It is my third day back in the office and I am miserable. I don’t get any Josh time in the morning anymore, because I am getting ready for work. By the time I got home at night the past two days, I got about 20 minutes of fun time with Josh before he started getting cranky because he needed to go to sleep. Last night when he fell asleep on me, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I miss spending time with him.

This isn’t a new problem, I’ve blogged about it before, but what I once speculated about, is now a reality. I am extremely torn. I don’t want to stop working. From a financial perspective, it would just be too much of a burden. Also, to be honest, I don’t know if I could be with Josh 24/7 and be the loving mom he deserves. Having some “me” time is what makes me appreciate him more. However, if I wasn’t working, who could afford someone to watch him that would allow me to have that time to rejuvenate?

My husband keeps telling me that he will support any decision I make, stay home or keep working. All my working mom friends keep telling me that this will get easier. I keep being told to give this a chance that, with time, I will achieve a balance or at least a sense of peace with my decision. I hope they are right. I am agonizing over what the right solution for me is here. I keep butting heads with myself and boy is it making me cry. I should probably take a lesson from what I did for Josh’s problem and apply it to my own. Maybe I should shelve making the decision of whether to work or not to work until I’m a little steadier on my feet.