Fear

I’m a big old chicken. I screech with fear at the sight of a bug. I clutch my car door for dear life whenever I am in a vehicle with a man at the wheel (especially my husband). I use that imaginary brake so much, I’ve worn it down, along with my husband’s patience. I find it hard to sleep at night when my husband is away on a business trip, as every noise makes me jumpy. I am scared to try, terrified to fail.

It is the last fear that stands in my way the most. There are so many things I don’t do in life because I am afraid. New food? I’m worried it may taste icky, so I don’t eat it. New hobby? I probably won’t be able to do it well and it is too hard to do so why even try? Try to become a paid writer? There are so many who fail at it, why would I succeed? Who wants to deal with all that rejection anyway?

I look at Joshua and he knows no fear. That boy leaps out of my hands, not understanding the danger of falling. He lands head first, when reaching for a toy, and hits his head which causes him to howl in pain. Yet, moments later he forgets about bumping his head when another toy catches his eye. I am in awe of my son. He is braver then I am.

My husband keeps reminding me that it’s not just about our own interests anymore. Our son is looking to us to be examples. If we show fear, he will show fear. If we don’t try, neither will he. I am determined to set a good example, so I am working on those things that I don’t like about myself.

The only failure I need to fear now, is failing to try. To quote Ms. Patti Labelle “I got a new attitude.” Negative thoughts – be gone! Blueberries beware, I am coming to taste you. Bike riding – I’ll master you yet. Publishers, meet your worst nightmare – a determined writer. Bugs, well, ok, I am still going to scream when I see you. Can’t change everything overnight.