Commitment Issues

It’s ironic, for years I have wanted the security of a strong commitment, someone who would be there for me whenever I needed them. Now, after finding that special someone, I am having major commitment issues.

I have been steadfast and loyal to Weight Watchers for three weeks now and today I felt myself waning. When your weight doesn’t go down or worse it goes up, which is normal in any form of modified diet, that is the true test of your commitment. Will you be strong and resist temptation or will you cave into negative feelings and the taunts of the scale? I always considered myself the loyal type but, today, I learned I’m not. The scale disappointed me and I became a cheater.

Two bowls of ice cream and a chocolate bar later, I have “cheated” on my diet. I threw caution to the wind and didn’t even bother to count my points today. I knew what I was doing was wrong but it felt so right. I knew I’d hate myself in the morning but, in the heat of the moment, I derived so much pleasure, I didn’t care about the consequences. Then, when it was time to eat a real dinner, I was caught in the act. There were definitely no more daily points left for real food and I still needed to fulfill my 8 healthy guidelines. Did I own up to what I did and go to bed hungry? No. I ate some more.

Poor Weight Watchers. So innocent in this whole situation. All it ever did was try to help me. It’s been there for me every time I needed it. It helped me through pre-wedding weight loss to fit into that fairytale gown. It supported me in my desire to lose post wedding newlywed weight gain. After all it has done for me, I let it down. Do you think it will ever trust me again? Do you think it will take me back?

The great thing about Weight Watchers is that it is forgiving. It hears and accepts my excuses time after time. “I’ll go back on my diet after this party.” “I’ll start Weight Watchers again on Monday.” “I’m too tired to measure my food, chop up salad etc…I’ll start -- tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. I always promise Weight Watchers that I’ll change tomorrow. It sadly accepts my promises but it knows me better by now. Weight Watchers and I have this love/hate relationship. When things are going well, I am proud of it, I introduce it to all my friends. However, when things are going bad, I hide it away and deny our relationship even exists.

Weight Watchers, you deserve better then a big old cheater like me but I thank you for sticking by me anyway. Although I sometimes act like “I’m just not that into you”, I really do want to commit to you with all my heart. Be patient with me, I just need one last fling with that scrumptious doughnut I saw in the bakery on my way home from the library today. I hope you understand, you’re awesome, the problem here, it’s not you, its me.