I’m the real Monica Gellar but the fake Monica is on a playground in New Zealand

I feel violated and I am angry about it. Last night, I discovered I was the victim of credit card fraud. Someone stole my credit card number and charged almost $3,000 in New Zealand for a luxury tour and over $3,000 on playground materials in Maryland. Someone is having a lot more fun with my credit card then I am. Reminds me of that episode of Friends where someone steals Monica’s credit card and does much more exciting things with it then Monica has ever done. Just call me Monica.

What amazes me is how lax the credit card company was in this situation. When I charged $700 in one store when I was getting married, they didn’t allow the purchase to go through until I called to confirm that I authorized the charge. Yet, somehow, a $3000 luxury tour in some foreign country didn’t set off any alarms? Apparently, the credit card company thought I went on some adventurous streak all of a sudden and felt no need to check up on me during my mid-life crisis. It also makes complete sense that while I was charging a luxury tour in New Zealand, I was also in Long Island at Target buying paper towels. Good work there, fraud department, you guys are really on top of your game.

As for the playground in Maryland, that charge has been approved but not posted. Therefore, I can’t dispute it, yet. It would make sense to block that purchase, but that would be expecting too much from my credit card company. No, I have to wait for the charge to post and ONLY THEN can I dispute it. So, despite the fact that I have alerted them of this fraud, they are still planning on paying it and then I have to argue to have it removed. Again, that fraud department is really working hard.

The fact that both these purchases were both out of the ordinary for my spending history in both the dollar amount and location makes me wonder. What would set of bells for the credit card company? If I tried to buy a skirt in size 2 would they call me and say, “Who are you kidding? Monica hasn’t been a size 2 EVER, you must be a fraud.” If I bought 3 pounds of asparagus, would they call and say “Fraud! You can’t be our customer, she HATES asaparagus.” If I charged a camping weekend in the woods would they cry out “No way can you be the correct credit card holder, this woman’s idea of roughing it is air drying her hair, she’d never go camping.”

All these years I have been with this same credit card company, you’d think they’d know me and my spending habits by now. In the 6 months that Joshua has been alive the only charges to my credit card have been from grocery stores and baby stores. Perhaps they thought I had some post-partum fit where I flew off to New Zealand, abandoning my husband and child, and then felt so guilty about it I bought Josh a playground? Sure, that makes sense.

After spending 3 hours on the phone with the credit card company last night, the first call, of which I am sure there will be many more for months to come, dear husband told me to look at the bright side. He told me this would be great fodder for my blog. Many months of aggravation, feeling that using a credit card is no longer safe for me, screwing up on Weight Watchers yesterday due to anxiety eating – yeah, so worth a blog honey. I am so tense right now what I really need is a nice relaxing massage. Perhaps I’ll hop a plane to Sweden, for an authentic Swedish massage. Of course, THAT would set off alarms with my credit card company. “Monica, letting someone see her naked? Never! Fraud!”